Fear

Mentally I know how debilitating fear is. I know that it doesn't exist, but feels like it does. I know that  the actual thing I fear will never touch me, yet it doesn't even have to. Knowing all this I still let fear rule me. I wish I could delete fear from my life. Honestly, I don't even know how. The emotional part of my soul is way too controlling. To the point that reason doesn't even matter at the end of the day because my feelings of fear control me. My fears are absolutely ridiculous and I am very aware of it. I fear being home alone, so lock the doors. I even lock the bathroom door when I am home alone. It's like I'm afraid someone will come up behind me. How crazy!? I fear people are trying to hurt me. I have had many images in my mind of my own father murdering me. Yes, I am aware of how irrational this is. I also fear people, storms on the ocean, airplanes, as well as, abandonment from my loved ones. Fear seems to be the root of all my insecurities. It's like I'm scared to do things because I m afraid to do something wrong and that the consequence will be unbearable. This is so unrealistic. I have tried reading books on fear and insecurity. I have watched videos giving advice. I try to tell myself that these fears do not exist, but they still FEEL real. My feelings are way to active. If I get a bad feeling, it could last all day. If I do something wrong, I will mentally punish myself all day. The only way I let it go is if someone affirms me that I am okay. So, I rely on others to tell me how I am or how I should be! Yes, I know this is unhealthy. I really hope it is not too late to change these things about me.