Now with being married and losing my job, I have had no other option than to dive deep down into myself. I was hiding from myself for so long. I even knew the distance was building in between us. When my job disappeared so did the wall that hid me. I couldn't distract myself with other peoples problems anymore. Mine were hitting me in the face. At first I would sit and ask myself over and over what I wanted to do. I didn't know what I wanted, so I continued to keep asking myself until I found it. I was raised in a strict household. I was punished for wrong doing and held accountable for many chores per week. If my parents were not pleased I was made miserable. I never did anything without their permission. I would need permission to go to the bathroom, to go play in my room, ect. There were times my parents wouldn't let me go to the bathroom until it hurt. They controlled me and everything about my life. Anything that I came up with on my own, they took away. I wanted to be in many group sports at school, but my stepmom had many reasons why I couldn't do it. I spent most of my time in my room, singing and dancing. I also wrote poetry to relieve my emotions. I know now why I am scared of everything and why I am a people-pleaser. It has destroyed my soul trying to be what others desire. I never thought I was supposed to love myself. I thought you needed to love others only and loving yourself was being selfish. I realized that one needs to love them-self in order to truly love others. This has caused me to change my mindset. I am determined to reach out to others in another way I never have. To love everyone regardless who they are. To love all with a brotherly love. This is something I feel our society has not discovered. If they did life would be so much different. In order to practice this I am taking the initive to do social activities with others. How do you love others? Do you find it easy to give love to others